Sunday, 12 October 2014

the world can be a creature unimagined..

The few people that know me best know that every morning I fire in head first and live for the day, the one I'm actually in, the one where I can do my best to try and make something, anything, that little bit more okay than it might have been. I'm no talking in Nobel prize winning terms here, ah'm no a do-gooder, aspiring saint or an evangelical nutter; but I always take the view that I may as well try my best and see if ah can manage tae get a no bad wee day out of the hours I'm firing into.

I suspect I'm not alone in this madness, sometimes there's a smile or a wee familiar welcome that lets me know that there's a whole flippin gang of us, positioned strategically worldwide, our remit to gain strength from trying to focus on the positive. We're not actually looking for that much, we just want tae have a day that lets us move forward, take a wee step tae something that isn't gaunnae drag us tae a place we don't really want tae go. We're challenging ourselves tae be better than that. THAT. Any of the piss that has invaded the past.

But alas, shit invariably happens and so indeed comes the not so good bits; the periods when the world around us suddenly raises its head and emerges as a creature unimagined and the instinct is to fall in the wake of the hurtfulness of others. Everything gets cloudy, a smog so thick you could cut shapes in it. When this happens the actuality is to fall, right on your flippin face, smack bang into the shit and it invariably happens, a unexplored negativity grasping so hard on your ankles that the bones might actually shatter. A red card, a penalty, an insult to injury. A lesson in life. You bend and stretch and teeter on the edge of dissolution. When that happens, to any of us, we are a fraction away from becoming a solution of the wrong sort. We're as crap as the shit oan a dog walker's shoe.

But we can't be everything, sometimes, to some people, we can't even be anything much at all and that in itself has to be okay and part of living for the day. This day. This day that brings me one day closer to meeting my second grandson. After the heartache of the stillbirth of Tommy every day has been a mix of excitement and worry but the wee fella is doing remarkably well and his arrival is becoming increasingly closer. But it is also incredibly far away. There are a lot of days to be negotiated and prayers to be said as we wait for his appearance and hear his much anticipated voice. He will always be Tommy's brother and a reminder that love and respect are most important things in every day; not the bullshit that every so often creates a stink loud enough tae take control.

That's what today brings, a journey. And tomorrow will bring one too and that one will be even better than the one before.

It's gaunnae be great. Ah defy anyone tae tell me any different, especially me.

1 comment:

  1. "I can do my best to try and make something, anything, that little bit more okay than it might have been" yes! So agree. This very idea is my daily companion.